The Mental Side of Going Fitness Alone Married or Not......Part 2

The Mental Side of Going Fitness Alone Married or Not......Part 2

Hi Readers!!!!

Part 2 has finally arrived!!! Lots more to come. This article is done in a mental blast format. I hope to give you food for thought, to stimulate and motivate you on your journey to good health......

Grocery store at the house….Yikes…beware the cupboard
Getting healthy for life involves looking at your whole being……so have you opened your kitchen cabinets lately? Are they laden with processed food items, chips, crackers, cookies, white pastas, even the low cal, low fat, low carb, and those processed 100 cal snack foods they put in the little bags to make you think you are doing a body good….NOT. Do you see lots of pretty packaging with enormous food labels with words so long you can not pronounce? If so….time to get that grocery store out of your house. The best foods are those WITHOUT food labels…..fresh produce (fruits/veggies), whole grains, lean meats, fresh spices, etc. What does that mean….COOKING AND PREPARING your foods.

Family eating what you do not want to......
This can be a struggle but YOU can do it. Stick to your guns on this one, even if your honey is bringing in the saturated, fat laden, sugar filled products because you no longer choose to eat them….DON’T. You have made a decision to get healthy with food and can be a wonderful example to your family now. As they see the positive changes in you and watching you eat the wonderful foods you have prepared for yourself, a little time will get the others curious. At first, you may be the only participant, but that is really OK….because this is about YOUR decision….right? Are you doing this for YOU or the person you are with? Do not make the mistake of forcing what you want for yourself down the throat of your significant…..remember how long it took for you to come to this decision and the feelings you went through. You may even find yourself with a little rebel on your hands and see even MORE junk food brought into the house during your time of getting healthy, but it is YOUR choice to smile and not partake. One better, enjoy fabulous conversation and relationship as you happily eat your chicken salad. Change is huge for a family/relationship especially if one-sided. So, remember to take that deep breath, and never make your change for the positive a negative change for the relationship because they are not following in your footsteps……YET…..remember it is just YET for now.

Struggle at the grocery store
This is HUGE…..you need to be your own health food advocate. Grab some books on healthy eating, and KNOW HOW TO READ A FOOD LABEL. The grocery store loves you and ESPECIALLY YOUR CHILDREN. Imagine all the colors and pictures all saying “PICK ME” to a child. Love your children, but when it comes to food shopping, it is best to leave them at home with your partner, babysitter, etc. The way to “Work the Grocery Store” is sticking to the perimeter. Think about it….produce first, usually followed up by dairy, and ending with the meat department. A few good choices would be some nice colorful fruits and veggies in season, good quality yogurts and reduced fat cottage cheese, and lean boneless/skinless chicken breast. BEWARE the center aisles that contain the pretty packaging sucking you in as a consumer with all the guaranteed low fat/low sugar/low carb/high protein, along with the extra special packaging of fat laden sugar filled delights that give ZERO healthy calories to you. If you have to enter the center aisles, KNOW what is on your list and stick to it. The center aisles do contain spices, canned items, and specialty “good quality health” foods…..but know before you go….and enjoy that tunnel vision on the way out.

Want your partner to share in getting healthy but they are resistant….do your thing.....
I touched on this earlier so obviously a biggie….this is just a reminder….I know YOU feel good about your choice and I applaud YOU, but be an EXAMPLE only. The worst thing YOU can do is try to change a person not ready to change. This will really cause a lot of resentment. You loved your partner before making YOUR decision, and it is important to realize that this is the SAME person. They will see the changes in you, and how exciting to allow them to approach you with asking questions about it. I see this as a spark to liven up a stale relationship….new conversations, new activities, healthy changes…..

Scared to make friends to work out with.....

Are you a loner, feeling insecure, and overwhelmed with the thought of making the first approach to finding a workout partner friend? Believe me….YOU ARE NOT ALONE….so many others feel the same way….and it is important that you know this. If you see someone at the gym, during your park power walk, or even at a family friend gathering, the first step is “hello”. Once a conversation starts up, talking about workouts, what you do for fun on your free time are always good topics to see if you would click with the person, and follow up with “do you want to meet up for a workout?” or “ your workout sounds great, could you put me through it sometime?” The later usually works well since it will also be a compliment to them….BINGO….an opportunity for a workout partner is now possible.

Stay healthy!!!!

Darla:)

The Mental Side of Going Fitness Alone Married or Not......Part 1

Hi Readers!!!

As I gathered my ideas to write this article, before I knew it, 2 pages of inclusions developed and I realized this one would have to be broken down into parts, otherwise the book I intend to write would exist on the blog. So, as you read, remember that this is a "to be continued" article. The mental/emotional/feelings hiding deep inside each of us when it comes to getting healthy is a topic that simply is not addressed in books, etc.....and it is so HUGE....and so I am going there....and as you already know...I am a up front, tell it like it is, HONEST, fitness professional here to help you every way that I can....

The Mental Side of Going Fitness Alone... Married or Not.....

Feeling unsupported.......
Are you sitting home waiting for life to happen for you, for someone to make it happen for you? Do you want to feel motivated by your partner, but all you get is a roll of the eyes. Are you living alone and feeling lonely….there is a difference. Is this keeping you from being the person you dream of being. You may very well be in a situation where you receive no support at all, but you know what…..it is up to YOU to achieve your own goals. True happiness, success, and complete health come from each individual person within….so why keep looking on the outside for someone or something to make it happen for you?

People around but feel alone.......
Do you feel crappy because you are with someone, surrounded by your family, and want so much for everyone to be on YOUR same page to get healthy …..wake up….this is not realistic. The best you can do is create YOUR own page, be an example, and inspire your mate and family to appreciate and hopefully desire what they see in you.

Alone and can't do it alone.....
Are you completely alone and feel no motivation at all to get healthy? Are you stuck in a hum drum routine of going through the motions of life, and hiding from what life could be? It may be a scary thing, but walking through a bit of fear and insecurity WILL be necessary to start your journey to getting healthy. Check out a few online fitness meet up groups in your area and look for physical activities that sound fun and non intimidating at first. This is a gentle way of meeting people who more than likely feel just like you, making new friends, and guess what….gaining a support group and the best motivation through workout partners.

The fear to change is real but you can do it.......
Living an unhealthy lifestyle can come from such deep and hurtful emotional pain, and choosing to hide ourselves in an unhealthy package serves as a security blanket or protection from further emotional pain. I realize that the fear and how you feel is real, but believe that YOU CAN DO IT…..getting healthy is a work in progress. Taking little steps and eventually letting go of that which has trapped the person you really are can happen. Checking out support groups may sound like a HUGE step that just can not be stomached, but if you open up just a little and allow a bit of vulnerability to take place, your journey to shedding that blanket can begin.

It is OK to set the example and be motivated by what YOU want.....
Have you lost yourself in someone else, and have given up what motivates you? Why???? It is healthy, fabulous, and fun to be motivated by what makes up YOU, and even better to set the example of a healthy lifestyle through what makes you happy. Believe me, happiness is contagious and what was once lost….will definitely make a BIG impression.

Change with a smile and positive attitude......
Are you changing and getting healthy for yourself? I hope so and doing so with a smile and positive attitude because it is a choice that YOU made. Again, this is not about changing for someone else, or hoping that the one you are with will change…..sometimes this does not happen and acceptance of this is crucial because regardless of anyone else, it is YOU who has control of YOU, your happiness, and your health for life.

Feeling angry about your mate......
Getting healthy and angry that your mate is not joining the party? Why? Each one of us is responsible for how we respond to life’s circumstances and people. This includes those near and dear…..those we love. Take a look at your parents, grandparents, children, etc…..are you angry with them or do you accept them as they are regardless of the quality of their health. This stance needs to be taken with your partner as well….your choice to improve the quality of your life is just that….YOURS. In a perfect world, we would all be healthy and happy, but all of us are on our own time clocks for life transitions. The very best you can do, is enjoy the journey to good health, and be a walking example of your life. So, grab an apple, give a kiss to the couch potato and go for a walk/jog. I have found over the years of working with clients that have significant others, that the partner wanted the physical and emotional changes of the client. Bingo….they are both working out together, eating wonderful new healthy foods, and enjoying the refresh of the relationship.

Why blame he/she for who they are….the only thing you can change is YOU
The blame game…..such a trap for unhealthiness and unhappiness. Are you there? Do you find yourself dwelling on past hurts, pains, and events and feel stuck and unable to move forward? Think about it…….what is this doing for you each day of your life except causing stress, depression, zapping your physical and emotional health, and a loathing nag that life really sucks....well THAT really sucks. Why Why Why??? The past can not be changed, and you definitely can not change the people who caused such pain for you…..what can you do…work on changing YOU. Accepting that the behaviors of others are not about you and out of your control, although disappointing, is essential to your being able to move forward. Sometimes this takes a few sessions with a counselor that you have interviewed, bonded with, and feel comfortable taking steps of sharing with. We all at times need help putting our lives into perspective, and it is definitely worth your health and happiness. The past is gone, the future is not yet here, but this moment is your gift to live the way YOU CHOOSE.

Accept others for who they are….
I may be repetitive on this one….but this is so true…especially for relationships now struggling with identity crisis. Who the hell is this person? I no longer know you? Why don’t you do this or that? Well….take a look at yourself….stop focusing on them and focus on YOU….you have NO control of what is going on in someone else’s brain and body…their thoughts, activities, and decisions. This is always the set up for unrealistic and REALLY disappointing SELF expectations we place on others and often times without they being aware of it. How unfair is that??? and how dissapointed are YOU because of it??? STOP STOP STOP creating within your own mind what he/she was supposed to do, what they were supposed to say and how it was to be said, how the birthday, anniversary, holiday that played such the perfect movie in your head with that person did not happen how YOU expected....hell....they did not even see the movie. Expect everything from your own actions, thoughts and feelings and have zero expectations from others, and consider yourself truly blessed and appreciative when something thoughtful happens to you......because that is the beginning of letting go and realizing YOU do not control ANYONE....but sure as hell can love them for who they are and at that REALISTIC MOMENT be truly thankful. Sometimes that which once felt like a dream seems like a nightmare, but taking control of feeling great for yourself through controlling your own responses to life with your own healthy thoughts, actions, and decisions for yourself will reap healthy benefits beyond belief….

I realize that this is digging deep into truly getting healthy, and removing bandaids covering the crap hiding and keeping a healthy lifestyle from even being able to happen.....but going into the mental side of making the choice to begin a healthy journey is the key to open the door for a lifetime of good quality living.

to be continued........

Stay Healthy!!!!

Darla Benfield, LCPT, LCMT

Peri-menopause and the crap of Hormone Imbalance

Peri-menopause, Pre-menopause, Menopause, and the crap of Hormone Imbalance…. Let's talk about it....

OK ladies (and gentlemen), feeling tired and I mean TIRED, flat, depressed, moody, just not yourself, not sleeping, unmotivated, no life drive and for crying out loud No Sex Drive, dry vaginas (get over the word people…it is a body part), unable to feel about really anything, and for that matter do not feel like doing anything, having night sweats…those unbelievable soak your clothes and sheets….and now I have to get up and I might as well sleep nude, and you wish it was for reasons other than this, craving sugar, walking around in a haze, really having a hard time understanding why you just do not feel the way you used to, feeling like you went to bed one night and woke up a whole different person that just does not feel good. Well….guess what…..YOU DID.

Hormone imbalance is real and a bitter sweet transition of life that hits generally between ages 30-50. This is where we and yes that includes myself as an almost 45 year woman, need to take control of what is happening and continue on the road to being the best we can be with what we have. Being your own health care advocate is imperative all the time and especially when making decisions on HRT (hormone replacement therapy). This has been quite the buzz lately on talk shows and in mainstream medicine for several years. The function of ALL hormones in your body depends on the balance of the other, so the “steroid hormones” directly affect the “sex hormones” and visa versa. The brain is the master switch controlling and regulating hormone levels and specifically coming from the hypothalamus and pituitary glands. Hormone levels can be affected by damage to the glands, a genetic glitch, receiving mixed messages by the body, or simply wearing out due to the aging process (the last one is usually the BIG culprit to what we refer to “THE CHANGE”). It is very important to realize that all of us are unique in our hormonal makeups and what is “normal” to one may not be “normal” to another. Who better to know your body than YOU? This is why we need to become educated on this very important subject BEFORE age 30 in my opinion, in order to be prepared to make very educated decisions with continuing to have a GOOD QUALITY OF LIFE for the rest of our lives.

Why this subject on the fitness blog…..because who feels like working out or eating right when you have the symptoms described in the first paragraph. So that being said, know the tests to ask for when you make that doctor’s appointment….here are a few…

FSH – Follicle Stimulating Hormone
TSH – Thyroid Stimulating Hormone
Estrogen
Progesterone
Testosterone

It is also important to love yourself enough to walk out of a physician’s office when you are disenchanted with what they say and their only solution is to offer up the birth control pill. Love yourself enough to research your options and KNOW what is out there to get you on the road to feeling good without risking your overall health.

I hope this article will spur you on to pick up a few books to read to GET HEALTHY and STAY HORMONALLY HEALTHY. One of my favorite authors on the subject and pioneer in this field is Dr. Christiane Northrup. Do not waste another day wondering if it is just “YOU”, but take this day to seek out the quality of life you DESERVE….Yes…that is right. Taking care of yourself is never about being selfish but truly caring enough about yourself to know that you are worth having the best life for the rest of your life. You, your spouse, partner, children, family, and friends will be glad you did.

Stay Healthy
Darla

A helpful link http://www.bodylogicmd.com/hormone-library